State of Dreaming
by COMPLETARE
Summary: Troubling with horrible nightmares and unconscious loneliness, Near's first weeks in his new university weren't the most pleasurable. But after noticing a blonde genius called Mello in his math lecture, he starts to get whole different kind feelings to deal with. 'Falling for you' in Near's POW. Contains bad language and fluff/smut in the future. MelloxNear.
1. Prologue

I don't own Death note or any of the characters.

…..

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I saw him the first day at my new university. That strawberry blonde guy, leaning his slender body on the wall in a way that screamed _'trouble'. _He was with some mischievously grinning redhead, talking on the corner of his mouth, observant blue eyes wandering through the hallway. People seemed to evade them almost as if they subconsciously knew what kind of people they were. Bad guys. They seemed kinda familiar to me, especially the dangerous-looking blonde. But I didn't really care. I noted them, passed them, and didn't give them another thought for the next few weeks.

I was a problematic that way; I didn't care about people enough to contact with them. Usually people just couldn't keep me interested with all their dull nonsense. It was still astonishment how two persons could talk about some celebrity's new hairstyle for two hours. Seriously, does it matter that much if you paint your dead cells blue? For me it didn't, but I was obviously exception…in pretty much everything, actually.

So my first weeks as a freshman weren't that enjoyable. I was extremely bored in the classes, but I rather focused on the lecturing than talked with people. Not that they wanted to talk to me anyway. I didn't fulfill society's standards, so I was automatically weird. But I didn't care, for I was there to learn…the same things over again that I had already internalized millions of years ago.

I brought my Rubik's cube to the lectures for entertainment, but I knew it wouldn't keep me satisfied forever. However, I survived. My new room was clean, I remembered the map of the campus after the first day, and after the school day I had plenty of good time with my puzzles.

The _actually _hardest time I had at night. Even with my intelligence, I couldn't possibly stop sleeping. But the thing was, that my nightmares had an effect on me. My usual morning awakening was hearing myself screaming out loud, covered in sweat and heart rate going crazy.

I had been seeing those dreams my whole life. I didn't know what was so agonizing in them, but they made me feel sick. The grinding atmosphere moved from the dreams to my mind, making my concentration vanish for the next couple of hours every night I had them. I really didn't know what was so bad about them. Usually it was just me, playing with my toys in different rooms. Sometimes I was in a place I assumed was orphanage, and sometimes I was in room full of TV monitors. Those dreams were always the most distressing ones.

It was almost like a story, or my own personal TV series in which I was the protagonist. Which was horrible. I almost never remembered what anyone had said in the dreams, but over the years, I had understood that I was after a serial killer called Kira. And then there was this guy…

I never saw his face, just a slender figure of a boy. I couldn't hear his voice, only sometimes a loud crack when he bit the chocolate bar he always carried with him. I didn't know why he was so important part in the dreams, but he was the one who made my emotions go crazy. The first time I had seen him in my nightmare at age five, I had cried for two hours after that. With a time of course I learned to handle those dreams. Sleeping pills didn't work on me, so I just sorta went with it. Fortunately, I saw them pretty rarely.

But the university apparently had made me even more delicate for them. Because the first night sleeping in my new bed, I saw a nightmare again. And for the first time in ages, I remembered it wholly after waking up.

It had been short scene, just me making a card castle and the faceless boy making it 'accidentally' fall. But I remembered an old man's voice commanding him to apologize, and then I heard his voice saying '_I'm sorry that you aren't smart enough to make your stupid castles somewhere they wouldn't be on my way'. _I had woken up after that. The comment wasn't much, and it certainly didn't explain anything. Except maybe that the boy wasn't quite fond of me.

I had that kind of dreams regularly after that, and I remembered every word they had in after waking up.

So, my first weeks were partly boring, partly horrifying. And then they weren't.

.

.

Usually my time in classes was rather boring and toneless. Every lecture was about the same, either I concentrated and made notes, trying not to sigh aloud when the teacher said something incredibly stupid, or I didn't care about lecturing and focused on observing the people there.

That day I was sitting on my seat in math lecture, listening the teacher only partly. I had put the Rubik's cube aside, and looked lazily around the class, not concentrating on anything in particular. Math classes were so easy that I just couldn't keep my whole focus on the teacher, so I did my usual trick and turned my attention to students. Two girls in the front row were playing tick-tack-toe. Why would they even bother to come if they weren't going to listen? Unlike me, they needed it. My gaze moved from student to another, until it hit the strawberry blonde boy I had seen my first day.

I remembered him from my English and physic classes too, but he wasn't really that loud and aggressive he had looked at first. Though he did have the tough posture of a person who didn't give a damn what people thought about him. I hadn't really scanned him that much, but now I had nothing else to do either, so why not?

He was good-looking, obviously, with his silky blonde hair he had put on a ponytail. His features were dainty, not really obtrusive. Straight nose, perfect skin. He could've been a male model with the lean body and pretty face. Of course he would have probably killed me and my whole family in some horrible way if I said something like that out loud. But he certainly had that attitude, 'I'm handsome, I know it, and I don't give a fuck about it'. Only things that broke that pretty-boy look were dark clothes and rather intimidating sapphire eyes.

I had never seen him dressing in something other than black. Now he was wearing a loose black tank top, black skinny jeans and what else than black combat boots. He was my total opposite, for I always used only light colours, and almost never anything else than white on top.

I also noticed that he was one of the few people that didn't take notes. His jaw was on a position that revealed his dissatisfaction, and bright blue eyes were directed on his lap. It wasn't too hard to deduce he was texting to someone, probably to the redheaded boy that always sat with him, but didn't seem to be present at the moment.

That was the point where my interest disappeared. He was pretty, sure, but so were thousands of other people. I turned my gaze back to the teacher, who had, unfortunately for the blonde, noticed his texting. The whole class fell silent, and everyone looked at the guy, waiting for him to lift his gaze.

In seconds the guy noted the silence around him and put the phone back to his pocket .

"Excuse me?" he asked. Well, at least he had the guts to meet the teacher's gaze. Points for courage.

"I was just wondering if you find yourself to be too dignified to pay attention for the teaching" the teacher, Mr. Williams, said. His voice didn't sound happy. At all.

"I think the teacher has misunderstood. I was paying attention" he replied, now seemed to get amused.

The teacher smiled at him creepily, and I felt a bit sorry for the guy. Upcoming public embarrassment in front of the class was obviously the thing that made Mr. Williams's grin so self-satisfied.

"Then you surely don't mind solving this calculation on the board?" …as I had expected.

The class took the pleasure out of it when the boy walked in front of the class, not looking disturbed at all. He didn't seem to care at all about the sniggering around him.

I watched carefully as he started solving the problem. And I was astonished for the fact that he did it so fluently, with no pauses for thinking. It didn't take more than half a minute before he had finished.

The class was dead silent, and I found myself to be even more surprised. The calculation was done correctly. For the first time in my life, I found myself getting interested in person again after deciding his meaninglessness. As the rest of the class stared at the teacher, he seated.

For a second, he turned his head, and our gazes met. I don't know why I hadn't noticed the intelligence in those blue eyes, but now I saw it. The familiarity in his face was just as interesting as the cleverness.

Then he turned away. But I didn't. It was kinda unfair that some people had it all. He had the good looks, social skills, and now it seemed like he had the brains too.

At least the rest of the lecture wasn't that boring anymore. I didn't know what had gone into me, but I couldn't get my eyes off him. I had finally found something worthwhile to stare at, and I wasn't going to waste the opportunity.

.

.

From that point on, my lectures weren't so bad anymore. I would really like to deny that my good mood wasn't caused by me turning into a total creep, but that wouldn't be true. I watched the slender guy in the lectures, observed his every move and noted more and more about him. Like the way his eyes couldn't focus on anything more than twenty seconds at time, and the way he sat arrogantly, other hand over the back of his seat, legs wide open. Sometimes he rested them on the table, but only when the teacher was on seemingly good mood. He was fascinating. Everything about him was interesting. He was so changeable, so vivid, so…human. My complete opposite.

Of course he noticed my stalking by the time. Unfortunately for him, I knew always exactly when he turned around, and I had already moved my gaze back to the teacher when he thought he would catch me. It was a relief that he didn't come to kick my ass for it, though. Maybe he waited for proofs.

When I say that my lectures weren't so bad anymore, I obviously don't count the time I wasn't monitoring the nameless blonde. Because sometimes when I walked in the corridors, few toughies liked to bully me around. I didn't actually care that much, but it would have been a lot nicer if I had got to work my puzzles in peace. Doing them in my room made me nervous, because I had to see the bed in which I would have nightmares. I know I was childish. But I couldn't help it.

So I did them in the hallways or lounge, where I was free to get kicked by the bigger people.

.

.

"Hey, could you help me with this?" I heard girl's voice next to me in the biology class. I was a little bit surprised, because when I turned to look at her direction, I saw her looking at me. It was the first time anyone had talked with me here, if I didn't count teachers. "I can't understand how this works."

"Sure." I said, and the girl smiled warmly at me. It felt kinda nice.

She moved a little closer, and I noted her to be one of the people the blonde spent time with.

"So, what's your name?" she asked as she reached her notebook to me. "I'm Linda."

"Near." I simply said, and took the notebook. "So what's the thing you don't understand?"

She showed me the sentences she didn't get, and I explained them to her. Although it was quite obvious that she had understood them perfectly. I saw already in her notebook. The notes were exact and wisely phrased, and the way she continued asking questions was pretty revealing. I knew she was probably pitying me for being alone, but she couldn't see that I didn't mind loneliness. It was really more pleasing to be alone than spent time with stupid people.

"Wow, how are you even that good at this?" Linda marveled, still smiling brightly.

What should I have answered her? Good genes? My IQ?

"I just…listen in the lectures."

Well, that wasn't so bad.

She didn't leave me alone until the class was over, but I didn't mind. It was nice to talk with somebody, even if they only talked with me out of pity. And when she did the same thing next biology class too, I explicated it to her ever so patiently. At least I had some kind of contact with humans.

.

.

The next time I sat on the math class, I was genuinely disappointed. Usually the blonde appeared in the class just barely before it started, but now he wasn't there at all. My lesson was about to get ruined.

But after the lecturing had kept going on for ten minutes, there was a knock on the door, and it lifted my spirits a bit.

Like I had opined, the latecomer was him. The blonde explained something to the teacher, who seemed really eager not to let him in. I just crossed my fingers and hoped that the teacher would give up.

Which he did. Soon the blonde sat on the row in front of me, three benches left.

I was kinda relieved, because I had already feared that I would see him an hour less than usually. Yes, I was just that much of a creep.

I watched closely as the guy picked something up from his bag, and then…

'_crack'_

I gasped. My eyes widened in shock, my mouth flew open. It couldn't be, it couldn't….it wasn't possible…

The boy turned to look at me, and his eyebrows rose in questioning look. I got my face control immediately, though there was a storm inside my head going on. Slowly I turned away from him, for I couldn't meet his gaze.

I couldn't believe it. The figure I had seen in my sleep so many times…is that why he looked so familiar? But how could that be real? I had seen those dreams whole my life, and he had been there all that time. How could I possibly have dreamed about a person I had never even seen before? That wasn't logical. That didn't make any damn sense.

I knew there had always been something wrong with me. Besides the fact that I was insanely intelligent for my age, I had seen weird dreams my whole life. And now it turned out that they weren't even normal nightmares, they were some freaking visions. It wasn't like I was already freaky enough. Now it was just official. Nate River, eighteen years old, albino, freak. Oh, and a professional creep too.

My mind was pulled back when the teacher yelled something.

Of course he had to shout at the blonde for eating in the class. I felt sorry for him when unduly took his points, but my mind was so messed up at the moment, that I couldn't really focus on it. Everything was just too overwhelming.

.

.

"_You fucking sheep!" Mello yelled as he stormed to the room, holding up an exam paper. I couldn't understand why he was so angry with __**me.**__ It wasn't my fault that he got only two points lower score than I had. _

_I didn't even lift my gaze, just continued making the blank puzzle. I didn't want him to be mad at me. But it was Mello, and wanting him not to hate me was like wanting sun not to be hot. Pointless._

"_Look at me when I talk to you, you big-headed twat!" he raged. I slowly moved my eyes to look at his furious face, and I felt kinda good inside. At least he noted me. _

I woke up, screaming without a voice. Sweat had glued my hair to my face , fingers squeezed the sheets in a very painful way, but I didn't care. All I could think was the angry boy in my dream.

The chocolate-eater finally had a face. The blonde in my class, eight years younger.

.

I stayed the whole morning in my bed, not wanting to move anywhere. I didn't need lectures. The teachers were stupid. I should have been the one lecturing them. And the other students probably wouldn't notice if I didn't show up for the rest of the week. But that was okay, because I didn't care about them either.

But even if I wanted to stay in the bed forever, I needed to rehydrate myself. I hadn't been able to eat much after moving to the campus, but I had to at least drink. So I picked myself up, put some clean clothes on and left my light bedroom.

The line in the cafeteria was luckily pretty short, so I got my water in no time. I just had to get out of there quickly, before-

Yeah, just as I thought. I was heading to the entrance, but it was obviously clear that I wouldn't manage to do it without being noticed. Two of the thugs that had mocked me before clearly wanted to go a little further with their game. As they passed me, they lifted my shirt over my head. I couldn't see anything, and I was so tumbled, that trying to get a grip from the blouse was incredibly hard. In that time people around me had started giggling at the view, but I didn't care, actually. Why would I have? If seeing my naked upper body was something they found humorous, then good for them.

But then I heard a girl's voice calling me. "Oh my god, Near, are you alright?"

I finally got a hold on the shirt, and tranquilly put it back down. I spotted Linda on a corner table, sitting there surrounded by her friends.

"I'm fine, Linda." I assured. Having to struggle with your shirt was annoying, but getting upset about it was just completely unnecessary.

My eyes turned from Linda to the guy next to him, and I wondered what was the connective factor in their friendship. Linda didn't seem to belong there with those guys, since they all looked sorta nasty, and wore mostly black.

Then I noted the blonde there, sitting next to his redheaded friend in his typical insolent style. The blue eyes met mine again, and I knew he had seen the whole scene.

I felt my face heating strangely, and I touched it in perplexity. Had I…blushed? But…blushing was a sign of embarrassment, anger or arousal. I had never fully experimented any of them, but I was definitely sure I wasn't aroused or angry. But then that meant…

Suddenly I felt a great need to get out of there, and without another word to Linda or anyone, I rushed to the exit. I didn't know what I felt, but it was seriously unpleasant. I didn't like it at all.

.

.

A/N: Heh, so this is Near's point of view of my other story 'Falling for you' (which is obviously written in Mello's POV). I felt the need to write it in his point of view too because of multiple reasons I am too lazy to list.

Because my computer knowledge is limited to pressing the power-button, I couldn't insert link here. You have my full permission to judge me in your minds D:


	2. Dice

_I started to pile a new tower with dice, making it clear my reasoning. I couldn't let the death of almost all the people in the SPK get on my nerves right now. But I knew I had to share the information with the second L in order to get more knowledge about the notebook. _

_Damn you, Mello, for doing this to me right now. I needed them, I needed my investigators and agents. Now it was just too late._

"_L the second…understood." I said out loud, keeping my voice monotone. "We'll share information. The person I believe is responsible for this incident goes by the alias 'Mello'." _

_The second L listened quietly, as I continued. "I have no pictures, nor do I know his real name. All I know is that up until four years ago he was at an orphanage, Wammy's house, in Winchester, England." _

_I lied, of course. His name as well as his photograph was in my possession, but there was no way that guy would get them squeezed out of me. I would protect Mello, even if he wanted to destroy me. After all, he was all I got._

.

My eyes slammed open in horror, cold sweat draining down my back. Usual morning awakening, clearly. With time I had started to ignore the nausea that the dreams caused in me, and nowadays I could actually do my morning chores without laying in my bed in horror for two hours first.

I pulled myself together and checked the time, letting out a groan immediately after. I was going to be late from the class.

Quickly I jumped out of the bed, stripping on a way to the bathroom and having the fastest cold shower of my life. I was so sick for the dream that I didn't even eat anything, just put my clothes on, packed my bag and ran to the lecture.

I had never been late from a class, and I probably wouldn't have cared at all, but it was an English class and, well, the blonde was there. I had lost ten minutes of precious observing-time. Yeah, I preferred to call it that rather than stalking.

I had whole roomful of eyes on me as I got there and apologized the teacher, who looked somewhat blushed for some reason. Keeping my expressionless mask on, I moved to my place and resisted the urge to glance the blonde before I seated.

Thank goodness I had settled to a place that had a brilliant view to him. It wasn't too close or too far, just enough for me to see his reactions and acts without revealing my scanning too much. Following him was a challenge anyway, as if watching a tiger in a cage with an open door. Fun and absorbing , until the beast got his attention to you. Though this time the blonde didn't seem to give me a thought, for he didn't turn around once in the whole lecture.

I didn't mind. At least I didn't have to pretend that i wasn't looking.

.

I felt a bit down when the class finished. It was the only class today I had with the blonde, so that was it for scanning him today. I took my time stowing the notes back to the bag, in the meantime that almost everyone had left. Only one who stayed was the guy who sat next to my cynosure, the black-haired boy who made me a little bit nervous with his black eyes. I wasn't sure, but sometimes when I saw him, his iris had a shade of red in them. I had come to the conclusion that my mind tricked me because of the guy's creepiness. Anyway, he had somehow managed to drop an inkwell in the head of the person sitting in front of him, and now the teacher was ranting to him with a displeased expression.

I left the class last, solving my Rubik's cube same time as walking. Unfortunately it wasn't one of those days I got to keep my tranquility. Three brawny guys surrounded me, making the escaping impossible, and I had to stop. Demented, I shifted my gaze from the game.

"Hey sheep-boy, how did it feel like to give a strip tease show to the whole cafeteria?" one of them said, smirking maliciously and waiting for the words to have some effect. "You looked like a tomato after it."

I wasn't sure what would speed up the scene and make the bullies leave me alone quicker, so I decided that silence was enough.

Unfortunately that didn't please the toughies.

"Can't you even talk you fucking nerd?" the one with the snapback pushed me, but not hard enough for me to stumble. I really didn't feel like dealing with those idiots at the moment, because I was tired for the restless night.

"Should we make you struggle with your shirt again, freak?" the biggest one threatened, and I felt a little irritation growing inside me.

"If you want to see me without a shirt, you should just ask." I answered with sardonic voice. Well, maybe that wasn't quite wise. I knew I was going to get beaten, when the guy caught me by the collar and pulled me furiously closer. His hand rose for the hit, and I mentally prepared myself for the upcoming pain.

"Hey!"

I turned my head to the direction where the voice came. And couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the certain strawberry blonde walking to us with the most intimidating look in his eyes that I had ever seen. I was sure that this was what people felt when an actual wild animal was menacing them. The grip on my blouse vanished as the guys took a frightened step back. I couldn't move, for I was so surprised. Had he chosen this moment to kick my ass for stalking him in the lectures?

"W-wh-what?" the snapback-guy winced, as the blonde took a hold on my arm.

I think my heart skipped a beat. His long fingers gripped my hand gentler than I would have imagined, though still firmly.

"Hey-!" the biggest said, only now daring to speak out loud. The reddish-golden hair swung as he turned his murderous look back at the guy, who fearfully backed another step.

"What?" the boy asked, and I couldn't decide if it was brave or stupid that the thug had the courage to answer.

"We- we had a situation going on here!" he said half-hearted.

"You can kick his ass later." the boy just growled. "I need to deal with him now."

And with that, the guy dragged me with him away from the guys. I followed without resisting, partly because his hold felt nice and partly because I didn't want his anger to focus on me.

I immediately had to change my deduction when he left my hand and looked at me with concerned expression, not a single glimpse of the previous anger showing in his eyes.

"Are you ok?" he asked, leaning his back against the wall. His eyes looked at me searchingly, and it felt like being under x-ray. It seemed that the blond had just saved me from getting beaten, and wasn't going to beat me instead. Curious.

Almost unconsciously I buttoned my shirt up, which had opened while the incident, as answering the question. "I am. Thank you."

Concerning feeling of happiness surged inside me. The guy had bothered to get me out of that tricky situation, even when he was alone against three bigger guys.

"No problem. So they're harassing you often, eh?" he asked, and I was even more surprised that he kept the conversation on. It was hard to believe that he actually talked to _me. _I definitely wasn't a person that would get the interest of guy like him.

"Rather seldom, actually. You have a great timing." I hoped my tone didn't sound too joking, because I really appreciated his help. And I couldn't still really internalize that he was actually talking with me.

He gave me his devil-may-care smile, and I felt a weird heat inside my chest. It was confusing, but I chose to ignore it.

"So, whose ass I got the honor to save?" he asked as lifting his eyebrow.

He wanted to know my name? Why would he do that? Did he really care to find out, or was this just unfunny joke? No one wanted to know anything about me. I was a freak. Didn't that guy know that? Should I have informed him?

"Near." I said at last. "You can call me Near. What is your name, then?"

He looked at me quietly for a moment before answering. "Mello."

Funny. The name suited him, in some sarcastic way.

"Mello, as in mellow without 'w'? " I asked. The name sounded soft in my tongue.

"Yeah. Near, as in opposite of far, am I right?" he smiled at me complacently. Somehow I liked the smile and the way he said my name, but I wasn't sure if he made fun of me or not.

"You are rather cheeky type, don't you think?" I decided to take the answer as a joke, which it probably was.

Suddenly his blue eyes lowered down to my hands, were I still twiddled the cube. Few moves, and it was done.

"Impressive." he lifted his eyes to meet mine again. "You did that while talking and walking?"

Did he just compliment me? I didn't know how I felt about that…somehow it seemed so weird that he was even talking with me, and now he told me that something I did was impressive?

"Aaaaand say goodbye to my points. Do you think I-" a boy with a messy black hair came out of the class we had just been, saving me from answering. He stopped the sentence immediately after noticing me, and then he turned his look at Mello. "Sorry, did I interrupt something?"

"No." Mello said to him before turning his attention back to me. "Are you going to lunch?"

Oh. He wanted me to get lunch with them? I didn't feel hungry at all, but then again, the boy had just saved me…and I was finally talking with him. I had never even imagined that that would actually happen. Other part of me wanted to get out of there and disappear before I'd ruin everything, but other part desperately wanted to go with them. And the look in the blond's eyes was demanding…

I nodded slowly to him, and the grin he had in his face widened.

"Great, you can join us." the black-haired boy said, smiling friendly.

"Oh, this is Ben, by the way." Mello said quickly. "Ben, this is Near."

Ben seemed to be a little displeased with Mello's choice of words, and he frowned at the blond before turning to me.

"It's Beyond." he said. "Beyond Birthday."

Something inside my mind screamed when distant memory tried to well up from my subconscious, but soon the feeling passed. I hoped they hadn't noticed the little stiffening, and I nodded again.

"I still refuse to believe that's your real name. Ben makes more sense. But enough of that, I'm hungry." Mello said, and we left to the cafeteria.

.

.

Social situations really weren't my area, but Mello's friends made it seem like there was nothing weird about me being with them.

Linda smiled at me and greeted with a simple 'hi'. The redhead that I had seen many times with Mello just grinned impishly.

"Have you brought a new sex toy?" he asked Mello, and got a smack in the back of his head for reply. Luckily, I didn't blush, though it was close.

"This douchebag is Matt, and I suppose you know Linda already." the blonde introduced as we sat down.

"Near, was it?" the redhead said, shifting quite amusing pair of goggles with orange lens from his eyes to his forehead.

"Yeah." I said shortly.

"Do you want to hear some revelations of Mello, Near? I got some pretty good ones-" he couldn't finish the sentence, because he had to dodge yet another slap from Mello.

"Tell him anything and I will cut your tongue and feed it to you." the blond said, not actually seeming mad. I suppose it just was their way to communicate, the other teasing and the other threatening with death.

"How hard it would be to swallow a tongue without a tongue? You're going to have to make up a better plan, Mels."

Linda sighed, but couldn't help smiling. "Don't worry about them, Near. They're always doing that."

I nodded, somewhat amused. Even though I was a bit nervous at first, it seemed like no one there judged me for being…well, weird. Maybe it was because they all seemed to be a little weird too, or maybe they were just mature enough to understand that physical appearance had rarely anything to do with personality and the possibility of having a good time with the particular person.

It didn't take long time, when Matt noted my Rubik's cube, and wanted to see how quick I'd make it again. We tested it, and after astonishing the time I had used to it, the redhead turned to Linda and they started conversing.

I got my gaze back to Mello, who seemed cheery. I wondered if it had to do something with my presence, but turned the idea down immediately. That would be just ridiculous optimism, wouldn't it? As his eyes met mine, I felt a sudden urge to turn away again, but without finding any logical reason to do that anymore, I stared back.

"Aren't you going to eat anything?" he asked me, glancing at my simple lunch, water and apple which I hadn't even touched.

"I haven't been really hungry lately." I replied. The dreams had taken all of my appetite.

"Why's so?"

I felt little anguished. I certainly didn't want to hell him about the dreams, since he would surely think me as a freak. And this was actually the first time we talked properly, so I didn't want to ruin it just yet.

But he immediately fixed the situation with lifting his chocolate bar. "Would chocolate do?"

How come I only now remembered his completely different behavior in my dreams? The thought of him ever offering me something else than a knife to stuff in my trachea in my sleep made me almost laugh in a dark, miserable way. But in real life, Mello didn't seem to hate me. He had saved me from bullies, and talked with me without judging my strange looks or apathy.

Still, the chocolate reminded me so much about the dreams…

"…Are you okay? Don't you like chocolate?" he looked a bit worried.

I couldn't meet his gaze when I answered. "…no, I do like chocolate. I just…well, it feels somehow weird that you're so nice to me…"

He didn't answer, just stared at me in silence. I had no idea what he thought, and I realized that he could have taken my comment as an insult.

"I think I phrased that wrong. I meant that people are not generally nice to me…" my fixing try was pretty pathetic, but I hoped he wouldn't hate me for it.

"Yeah, right…" he bit another piece of the chocolate in his mouth, and I turned away with the cracking noise. It made me remember the dreams far too well.

In my nervousness I lifted my fingers to twirl the white locks, trying to wipe the nightmares out of my mind. I didn't want to think them just now.

I glanced at the blond again, and was taken aback as I saw the pained expression in his face. It vanished quickly, as I noticed him checking if anybody noticed.

"Mello" I was pretty concerned. He turned his blue eyes to meet my gray ones, and I asked "Are you alright?"

Sudden change in his expression and voice got shivers running through my spine. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I felt a cold grip around my heart. He started to sound exactly like the boy in my dreams, the one which I cared although he seemed to hate me.

"I should leave." I needed to get out of there before he'd yell at me.

For my surprise, he took a hold on my hand again. "No… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound such a cunt." his voice was much softer now, and the look in his face apologizing. "I have a headache."

Had I overreacted? _Yes_, I decided to believe as I sat down. It was just a headache, no wonder he was in temper.

"You should take a painkiller. Though that might slower your reasoning. Drugs tend to do that." I said thoughtfully.

Our talking turned into school and ordinary stuff, but somehow I liked it. I had never had that kind of conversation with anybody, and I had never been that interested in someone's business.

"So, did any of your pals from high school come here to study?" Mello asked.

I just raised my eyebrows at him. "Isn't it rather obvious that my abilities in that area are incomplete?"

He shrugged, as if he didn't believe me.

"Well, you can always advance that kind of stuff. For example, you have a chance to do that on Friday. We are going to a party." he recommended.

"A party?" I had never been in one, and even the idea made me little uncomfortable. I didn't really care about people in that matter, and having to stand drunken people was even worse idea.

"Yeah, party. Music, people, alcohol. You're gonna hate it." Mello explained with a wide grin.

I frowned. "Alcohol? I have never been drunk…" and I intended to keep it that way.

"Well, on Friday you're going to get wasted."

I sighed, doubting that it would help if I argued. I still tried, though.

"I don't want to."

"Sure you do. No, wait…" Mello seemed to remember something. "Can you drive?"

Was it possible that I could pass the drinking if I'd drive the car? But I couldn't drive, that's the thing. I was pretty sure that even if I learned it by some kind of manual, I was still too short to be on the wheel.

"No." I finally said.

"Yeah, you're going to get drunk." Mello stated.

"Fine. I will come to the party, but I won't promise to drink." I consented, and felt a little bit happy for the delighted expression in Mello's face.

I actually enjoyed his company, and the others too…maybe it wouldn't be that bad to get there with them. At least I could spend more time with Mello…

Suddenly I encouraged myself to ask a question from him. "Is it easier to make friends when you're drunk?"

He raised his eyebrows at me. "I think you're doing just fine sober."

I didn't know if I understood it right, but it seemed that Mello had claimed to be my friend. I had never had a friend, or anyone that close to me besides my family, but now…Was it possible that the boy who I had seen in my dreams hating me was suddenly implying that we could possibly be friends?

I lifted my gaze at him, and smiled the first real smile I had made that year.

After that, our conversation reverted normal, and turned more and more interesting as time passed. I had never talked with anybody like that, actually appreciating the other's opinion and seeing things differently in his point of view. He was…in a same level with me. I didn't have to explain the words that I used or what I meant by anything, he already knew and made another just as intelligent point as I did.

And when I finally got to my bed, I think that was the first day in my life that I smiled while pressing my head on the pillow.

.

.

The next day I still managed to get surprised when Mello and Matt came talk to me in the lunch break, even though I must have looked rather absurd, doing my card castle in the middle of the lounge.

"Hey, watcha doing?" Matt said merrily as he bounced to sit next to me on the couch. Luckily, my castle stayed up.

"I would answer but it is quite obvious even for you to realize." I placed two cards steadily on the top. "Except if you can't see anything behind those goggles. In that case, I'm building a card castle."

"I think it's the intelligence, or more like the lack of it that makes him unable to understand your doings." Mello said, smirking at Matt smugly. The redhead just grinned back.

"Yeah, you're hanging with me only because of my unbelievably good looks."

Mello rolled his bright blue eyes at the boy, but instead of going on with the argument, he turned to me.

"Don't take this the bad way, but why are you always playing?" he asked, looking at me curiously as sitting on the armchair next to the sofa I sat on.

"It helps me clear up my thoughts and makes it easier to perceive different scenes. It gives my hands something to do when I'm bored. Actually, I have so many different reasons for this that I don't think you have the time or the interest to listen them all." I stated, not shifting my gaze from the castle.

"No, keep going on. I'd like to hear 'em." he replied.

So I explained them to him. And after that, we continued talking. It still felt strange, how in the other second I had no one to speak with, and the other I was surrounded by people who actually wanted to talk with me.

All of sudden I noticed how in the breaks I wasn't alone anymore. Somehow they kept coming back to me after the classes, no matter where I was solving my puzzles or playing with my toy robots. I couldn't understand why, but it kinda didn't matter. When I saw him coming, alone or with his friends, I felt a little surge of happiness inside me, and that was worth the dubiety of their reasons behind it.

Usually we talked, getting to the topics that the others didn't get (although I suppose that Beyond did, but he wasn't really that interested in them) and tried to get to know each other better. But sometimes we stayed silent, I concentrating on my playthings and Mello just being there, like it would have been just normal thing to hang out with me. Sometimes I caught him scanning me in a way I didn't understand and when I looked at him questioningly, he just raised his eyebrows at me as if I was the one who got caught.

Sometimes when I hadn't seen them in some time, I had an urge to go and find Mello. But I somehow couldn't push myself to do it. I tried to be reasonable, and thought that if they wanted to see me, they'd come. So I stayed rather apathetic as usually.

.

.

In Friday morning, my awakening was as painful as usual. No, actually it was worse. There was a spine-chilling image of Mello seared into my mind, one where half of his face was burnt and the look in his eyes was pained. And angry.

I was trembling again, and this time I had problems with just standing up and doing my morning routines. I almost threw up while walking to the bathroom. The figure in mirror looked more like a ghost than normal university student. I wasn't normal person, though, so it would have been foolish optimism to hope I'd look like one. I couldn't look at myself again, so I kept my eyes down as brushing my teeth and combing my hair.

Thinking that I would survive the first lesson like nothing had happened was a miscalculation. When I had managed to move to the class from my room without breaking my apathetic mask, I suddenly felt the nausea becoming unbearable. I turned around, and without thinking, ran to the nearest public bathroom.

There was no one there, for my luck, when I rushed to one of the green cubicles and vomited out the grape I had forced myself to eat last evening. The taste sickened me even more, and I couldn't stop the puking before my stomach was wholly empty. After that, I had to repose myself to the toilet for some time because my legs couldn't hold me.

I didn't understand why it had to be me who suffered about something like this. Why was I so messed up? It was so frustrating that the nightmares couldn't be solved with logic, that my intelligence had no use against this fright. All I could do was take it as calmly as usually, keep my head straight and thoughts in order. I wouldn't give up for my own mentality.

Sighing, I weakly stood up and stepped out of the cubicle.

I had been wrong, when I thought I was alone. A skinny guy with a messy black hair was sitting on the washbasin counter, reaching out a bottle of water to me. Beyond looked absolutely ordinary in his plain black shirt and jeans, but somehow I still winced when seeing him. He got that weird creepiness in him that I really didn't know what it meant.

"Rough night, huh?" he asked, still handing the water to me.

"I didn't drink." I replied, taking the bottle, though not opening it.

"That's not what I asked." he said, but in a rather carefree tone from what I knew he didn't pressure me to answer. He left it to me to decide if I wanted to share or not, so I didn't.

Opening the cap from the bottle, I looked at it in suspicion. "Have you done something to this?"

"Nope." he answered cheerily, as if it was perfectly reasonable question to ask. Which it was, in Beyond's case. I didn't find a lie in his face, so I dared to take a sip. It didn't taste like anything, so I took another, washing the bitter flavor of vomit from my mouth. After drinking more than half of the bottle, I put it on the table and accepted the breath mints Beyond offered.

"Thank you." I said, sitting down on the floor and leaning my back on the wall. I still didn't feel quite okay, and since I had already missed fifteen minutes of the class, I decided it didn't matter if I stayed there for a while.

"You're welcome." he just replied.

"How did you know I was here?" the question left my lips automatically, but Ben didn't seem to mind.

"I followed you when I saw you turning around at the doorway. You looked kinda sick, so I thought that a little help wouldn't hurt." he stated, and honestly speaking I was surprised. I had somehow gotten the picture that Beyond didn't really care about people and liked more messing and creeping them than being kind.

I had obviously misjudged him. Or maybe he helped only his friends out, but then that would have meant that…he considered me as his friend?

"Thank you, again, but I am fine." I didn't know why I felt the need to lie, since I obviously wasn't fine. But Beyond just blinked his bulging eyes at me.

"It's okay to be not okay, Near. You don't have to keep the act on all the time."

His words sounded so sincere and…non-forced, that for a moment I felt bad that I had thought him to be creepy.

"It's not an act. It is just in my nature to dismiss useless feelings and concentrate on rationality." I explained, pulling my left knee to my chest.

"But don't you think it's unhealthy not to deal with your problems?" he asked in thoughtful way, pouting his lips. "The other time, I got pretty bad problems. I dealt with them in a bit concerning way, though…"

I looked at him curiously, momentarily forgetting my bad feeling. "What kind of problems?"

"Um, well…some people forced me to be someone I wasn't. And they did it so sneakily that I didn't even understand how twisted the whole thing was. The worst thing in the whole affair was that they wanted me to be like a person that already existed…they wanted to turn me into a copy." the look in his eyes was a bit distant as he spoke.

"So…how did you deal with it?" I asked quietly.

The distance in his eyes vanished as he turned to me. "Oh? Um, I became crazy, killed three people and tried to make suicide."

I stared at him, wordless. And he just stared back.

There was a dead silent for few more seconds, before he started laughing, and I understood that he had made a joke. Though he has said it in so serious tone…

"You have a dark sense of humor, Beyond…." I sighed.

Slowly he stopped laughing, and looked at me with somewhat obscure smile. "Do I, now? I suppose you're right. But seriously speaking, I have learned from my mistakes. I am not trying to be like that person they wanted me to, because he is he and I am I. And wherever he is now, I hope he's happy. I am, at least."

I smiled back a little. "That's good to hear."

Now he tilted his head at me, and I saw the weird glimpse of red in his eyes again. I assumed it was caused by the lightning.

"What about you? Are you happy?" he asked, and I found it yet again hard lying to him.

"I…am not sure yet. I have issues to handle, and I am not quite sure how to." I muttered, thinking about the nightmares that kept me awake at nights. Somehow Mello popped up from somewhere, but I wiped him out of my mind quickly.

Beyond looked at me estimating for a moment, pouting his lips again.

"Do you believe in life after death, Near?" he asked suddenly.

I raised my brows. "As in heaven and hell?"

The guy shrugged. "In example. Reincarnation could be another option too, but I mean more like…when we die, maybe we are born in another level or something similar. Maybe we have died already a hundred times, but we born just as many times in a different world."

I was a bit unsure. "I don't think I believe in matters like that. It goes to the spiritual side, where I have hardly any experience. I am not religious."

He nodded. "Neither am I. But, in case that theory was truth, would you try not to make the same mistakes you did in another life?"

"In that case, of course. But if that _was _true, how could I avoid making the same missteps if I couldn't recall them? If the theory was in fact true, we wouldn't be able to remember them, since I have no memory of my 'past lives'." I replied, thinking. Actually it wasn't too hard to imagine the theory being truth, but it had been easier just to assume that we lived once and when we'd die, there would be nothing.

"That's true. It would be quite sad, though, if you'd live all your lives making the same mistakes over and over again…" his voice lowered to in the end.

"Yeah, I suppose it would…" I agreed.

"Can I give you an advice?" he said, suddenly having a bit sad look in his eyes. I nodded without saying a word, and he continued. "If you have someone you care about, don't let them go. Don't do it, even if they claimed to hate you, just don't do it. It doesn't matter if there's any afterlife, because you're living your life right now and that's all that matters at the moment."

I listened his words quietly, and something inside me moved. Somehow my mind turned back to Mello, and how nice he was to me, and how good it felt... All of sudden, Ben didn't seem so scary to me, and his talking gave me something I could only call strength.

"I won't." I said, and Beyond smiled at me in a way that I didn't quite understand, but what I still appreciated. I had misjudged him so badly that it felt partly ashamed of how nice he was towards me.

"Good. Should we go to the second class? I think it's starting soon."

I nodded, and we left the bathroom in a little better mood.

.

.

A/N: Near's POV is damn interesting to write

and since in the next chapter I'm going to tell how Mello did the hickey …. bwhehehhehehhe


	3. Iris

For my great disappointment, Mello wasn't in the math lecture. I hoped the whole time that he would just arrive late, but after half an hour the wish was overly optimistic. He didn't come.

Matt was there, though. _He_ came late, so I had no chance to ask him about the blonde for he had to sit down immediately to not to disturb the lecturing. The redhead spent the whole lesson playing with his phone and presumably texting to Mello, since he seemed to be a little surprised for his absence too. Honestly, the lecture was pure torment, especially when I had the disruptive need to talk with Mello.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to talk about with him. Was it safe to tell him about the dream I had had last night? Of course it wasn't, and I knew it. But somewhere under all my rationality, I just really wanted to speak about it with him. The nightmares and all the weirdness in the situation…no, I couldn't drive him away after knowing him only few days.

I couldn't even finish my mental argument before the class was over. Somehow Matt managed to vanish before I caught him, so I had no choice but to go continue the debating in my head to the next lesson. Sometimes it was just really confusing to be me.

.

.

As soon as I had time to notice, it was a lunch time and I hadn't seen Mello anywhere. I still hadn't decided if I should talk with him or not, but that still didn't stop me from going to Matt when I saw him at the cafeteria. They were sitting on the corner table like usually, gang of smart kids who looked nothing like smart kids. Linda was drawing a draft of Matt, who had a staring contest going on with Jamie, probably that kind of where you shouldn't laugh. Elliot and Beyond had a seemingly normal conversation, and Chris was just politely commenting Linda's sketch.

Without thinking, I walked straight to Matt who had just lost the contest. He was the type that couldn't be serious more than few minutes at time, so it wasn't that big of a surprise.

"Heeeey, Near! How's it going?" he said as the others also greeted me with smiles and nods. The question was one of those I had never quite learned to answer, so I just shrugged.

"Are you going to eat anything?" the redhead asked cheerily.

"No," I replied, and hesitated a little before continuing. "I was just going to ask you if you knew why Mello wasn't in the lecture."

"Right. Well, he's not answering my texts, so I assume he's still sleeping," he said, pouting his lips.

"Oh…shouldn't you have gone and awoken him?" I was a bit surprised that Mello would sleep off, since I had seen him many times up few hours before his first lectures and had somehow always imagined him to be a morning person.

"Well, I don't want to disturb in case his shagging someone," Matt said, sounding somewhat too innocent. I noted how he changed a look with Beyond, and then they seemed to watch my reaction carefully.

I didn't know what they expected to see, but I didn't really care that much. The words had no effect on me, despite the small twist in my stomach that I couldn't really understand.

"If that worries you, then I can go and wake him up," I just said, keeping on my expressionless face… though my mind had left to wander. What if Mello really had someone in his room? For some reason I didn't really like the idea.

"You sure you're not going there just because you want to take a peek?" Matt said, smirking.

I felt my face heating, for the question got me completely off the track. I still managed to keep my blank face as answering. "I don't really see your point here, Matt. If I wanted to see naked men, I would google them."

"Yeah, sure." he said, obviously not believing, deducing from the smirk he wore. "But Mello's room is in the second floor of the building next to where you live. The number on the door is 502209."

_502209, _I repeated the number series in my head until I remembered them completely.

"Thank you." I said, turning around. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah, bye!" Matt whooped behind me. "Recall me to check your browsing history when you get back."

.

.

Soon I found myself in front of Mello's room. I have to admit that I was somewhat nervous to knock the door, since I wasn't completely sure what would wait behind it.

It was ridiculous, of course. Sex didn't alarm me, and neither did bare human bodies. Despite the lack of experience and interest from my side, I understood that it was important to some people. Maybe I would do it someday, out of curiosity, but for now I was quite pleased with my current state.

So I knocked the door.

I heard a thump, then subdued steps coming to the door which opened right after.

Mello looked at me with a glimpse of surprise in his bright blue eyes, though his gaze was a little bit hazy, which revealed that he had just awoken. Odd surge of relief rouse inside me, and I had to make my best to keep the indifferent face on.

"Near?" he asked, voice husky.

It was probably good thing that he had such striking eyes, so I managed to keep my look on his. He had no shirt on, for he was standing in the doorway only in his onyx pajama pants. He had visible stomach muscles, I noted, but didn't want to give it another thought. Usually so straight, shiny hair was now just a little bit messy, and there was a shades of blue under his lighter-colored eyes.

"Mello," I greeted him, having to work a little to hold my eyes on his face rather than the upper body. Why was it even a problem to me? "You weren't at the math lesson today."

"I overslept," he just said, turning back to his room and leaving the door open for me to follow him. I had time to take a look on his back. It was a nice back, lean but muscular, and the skin was pretty, slightly tanned colour. There was definitely something wrong with me for staying to scan something like that.

I stepped to the room, and started to look around as the blonde turned to his wardrobe. The room was messy, but I kind of liked it. The bed sheets were black as it was so ordinary for Mello. There were piles of books on his desk and shelves, among the scattered paper and clothes. He had that careless attitude apparently in everything he did, including neatness.

I heard him tossing the clothes from the closet, possibly to find some particular shirt, as I picked one of the wrinkled papers from the top of his laptop. He had written something in there, but I had no time to see what it was when he started talking again.

"How did you know where my room was?" he asked as I put the paper back down.

"Matt told me. I asked the reason why you weren't in the lecture, and he said that you were probably sleeping," I explained, dodging a pair of boxers he nonchalantly threw over his shoulder.

"Did you ask him why didn't he come by himself?" his voice sounded still a little hoarse, but it was quite nice. Although I didn't stay to think about it, because I had to find a way to explain Matt's earlier words without getting blushed again. Nowadays it was rather hard to predict when that happened, so I liked not to take risks.

"He said that he didn't want to interrupt you in case you weren't asleep."

I didn't see his expression, but I assume he was a bit confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Deciding not to get flustered, I opened my mouth. "Well, he didn't phrase it fully that way. I think it was something like 'in case he's shagging someone'"

My face stayed as cool as it had been before, and Mello just muttered something like "Yeah, right."

I turned my attention back to the books on the desk. Despite the school books, there were also novels and notes in there, making the pile look even messier. My fingers ran through the title of the upmost book; _War and Peace. _It was written in Russian, though, so I suppose he wanted to read it in original language.

"Why did you want to see me, anyway?" he asked, and my heart skipped a beat.

I hadn't finished the argument in my mind, but now I was completely sure I didn't want to tell him about the dreams. I just wasn't ready for making him find me that strange quite yet. The feeling of just casually being in his room was too good to give up.

"Just...wanted to wake you for the next lessons." I said, and heard it even myself how the lie shone through.

I turned around, making another excuse in my head for coming, but didn't have time to say it out loud. The words got stuck in my throat, as I felt myself getting stiffened. Mello wasn't at his wardrobe anymore. He was leaning over me, and our faces were so close to each other that I smelled the sweet chocolate in his breath.

My eyes widened and brains just stopped working. I was completely lost in his eyes, observing every shade of blue they had in them. The colour was darker on the surroundings, but still bright like sapphires, and the tone lightened when coming to the center. Long black lashes wavered as he blinked. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a sudden question broke the surface. Was he going to kiss me?

Of course he wasn't, what was I even thinking about? The foolishness of my own thoughts made me almost blush, as Mello quickly backed off and lifted the shirt he had stretched to get behind me. The tingle that had risen inside me died, and it was quite confusing in my head at the moment. Because when he had been so close to me, it wasn't a question there had been in my mind. It had been a wish.

I had to get out of there.

"I should leave you to dress." I said as calmly passing him to the door.

"Hey!" he said before I had the chance to disappear and process my feelings and thoughts. They weren't normal, and I needed to know how to deal with them. Immediately.

"Aren't you excited? About the party tonight." he grinned, and I felt my stomach drop. Right, the party. Hooray.

"Yeah…" I managed to gag out. I lied, obviously.

I suppose I was perfectly transparent, since he narrowed his eyes at me. "Be ready at nine."

"Why does that sound more like a threat than a suggestion?" I asked, tilting my head. I tried to be as apathetic as possible, turning the earlier feelings aside.

"Pick either one, you are still coming." he said in a tone that told me the argument had been lost ages ago.

I sighed. Having to deal with socializing tonight sounded just as tempting as cutting my wrist off with my teeth. But I guess it didn't really matter where exactly I did my daily wasting of time. "There's probably no way I could get away with this?"

"Absolutely no way." he stated.

Sighing again, I finally promised it. "Fine. I'll see you at nine."

I moved off the room, leaving him no chance to start the alcohol-argument again.

.

.

Having personal crises in the middle of the day (or actually in any time ever) wasn't really common to me. I had the valuable ability to move the less important things out of my mind, as feelings or so. But now I was just plain confused with myself, going through thoughts as making one of my blank puzzles.

I couldn't get the moment out of my head, when I had wished for Mello to lean just a little closer so that our lips would have touched.

Why had I wanted him to do that? He was becoming a person I could call friend, but at least for my knowledge, friends didn't kiss each other in that way. Maybe on the cheeks, but at least boys never did that. So was I attracted to Mello? He was of course good-looking, but I had never felt that kind of feeling when seeing other beautiful people. Altogether it was quite concerning to me, since I had no experience in those kind of things at all. I had never been interested in people in that way, and even my curiosity over few things hadn't got me anywhere. When picturing a kiss with someone, all I had in my head was an image of uncomfortable, wet and slimy contact when someone's lips would press against mine. Doing it would have been completely unnecessary and probably awkward. Then why I had wanted Mello to kiss me?

I turned the complete puzzle around and started to work it again. If I wanted to think reasonably, I would have thought it to be biological reason; my suppressed hormones had just caught me off guard that time. It was a simple conclusion, easy to pass with just a shrug and never think about it again. But when I turned to psychological side, I had to consider the possibility of Mello being in my dreams having to do something with my growing fascination on him. I was sure that the blonde would have caught my attention even if I hadn't seen dreams of him since forever, but now it seemed that I had some kind of bond to him because of that.

I finally had my thoughts off the matter when after finishing the puzzle second time and going to library, I noted Mello and Matt behind me with binoculars and ridiculous sunglasses that I suppose were there to protect their identity. Though I couldn't understand how they saw anything through the fielding glasses with them on.

So, the boys followed me everywhere I went. I could deduce that they weren't actually hiding it from the way they tried to 'hastily' hide when I looked at their direction, but their intention was of course obvious to me from the moment I had seen them for the first time. They wanted to make sure I didn't disappear before the party, for I had no other idea why they would do that. And I didn't hide. I promised to Mello I'd come, and I wouldn't back out.

And so I just let them monitor me with their binoculars and ignored the people who helpfully came to inform me about the two. How did they think I wouldn't notice? They could have literally worn a sign above their heads that said 'WE'RE STALKING YOU', and it wouldn't have been any less flagrant.

But then one of the teachers noted them, and I had the rest of the day to be in peace.

Though right after they had stopped my following, I had to make some back-up plan for the evening. There was a high risk that Mello would somehow get me drunk, and for my own sake I had to make sure it wouldn't end badly. I was quite pleased when I found Chris in the lounge, without Mello or Matt in sight.

I just went straight to the point.

"Could you do me a favor?"

Chris looked a bit surprised for a moment, as putting his phone to his pocket which he had just played with.

"Of course, yeah. What do you need me to do?" he answered without hesitation.

"It is not hundred percent certain, but if Mello somehow gets me to drink something tonight, could you bring me back to the campus?"

The boy smiled warmly as nodding in agreement. "Sure thing."

"Thank you."

.

.

The precious moments of peace were quickly taken away from me. The situation changed steeply when the clock hit nine in the evening. We gathered to Elliot's car in the parking lot near the campus, seven cheerful freshmen and I. Funny, how it occurred to them just at the moment that small passenger car wouldn't carry eight people. Linda and Jamie chose to walk for my slight relief, but it was still quite crowded when six people were stuffed into a car made for five.

The fact that I was tightly pressed to Mello didn't make the traveling any easier, when additionally Beyond didn't seem to notice how he pushed me even harder against the guy. Being in that close contact wasn't really my thing. But when the ride was over, I almost felt like wanting it to continue rather than stepping inside of the house of stupid drunken teenagers and too loud music.

I had never been interested in drinking or parties in particular, and my mind didn't change as we joined the partying people. I had decided to keep myself near Mello the whole time, and when the others slowly drifted from us I started to walk even closer to him, partly in a fear of getting lost in the swarm.

"So…" It was a miracle that I even heard Mello's voice over the noise as he led us through the crowd of dancing teens. "You want to be in the middle of the party or get somewhere quieter?"

"Quieter, please," I replied, trying to raise my volume enough for him to hear me.

He didn't answer, but I reasoned he understood for he started leading us further from the loudest racket. Passing several rooms, we finally found a spare sofa in a place that didn't have too much people or noise.

There was a period of time where Matt and Mello sturdily tried to get me to drink something, but I refused. Whole idea seemed even more repulsive when I saw a girl drawing a penis on the forehead of a boy who had already passed out. I couldn't risk waking up with one of those kind of things on my face, especially when I noted that the girl used permanent marker.

Matt got enough after a while and left somewhere, but Mello didn't leave me.

"Are you really not going to drink anything?" the blonde said, shaking his punch glass and making the ice cubes clink in it. He looked joyful, even though I was clearly quite boring company. I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable there, though Mello's presence helped a little.

"No," I said simply.

"What about the thing about making friends?" he continued, blue eyes tingling. Maybe the punch had some effect on him, since he seemed so relaxed.

"I thought I was doing fine sober," I brought out his earlier words a bit teasingly. The boy didn't say anything, just raised his eyebrows.

I sighed silently. "Is it impossible to have a good time at parties if you're not under the influence?"

"No," he answered while raising his right leg to the sofa for him to lean on. "But it helps. Everything is kinda funnier that way. But no, it's not really that necessary."

Then why was he so eager to get me drunk? I suppose it was for the fact that I never lost control over myself, and for that he was curious to see what I would be like in a mindless state. I couldn't help being just a little bit suspicious too –maybe he wanted me to act embarrassing and then make fun of me later? What if they were just using me for a good laugh? That would have certainly explained their want of being around me the last days. There was really no other excuse for their interest, since they didn't even know how messed up I actually was with my dreams and all.

"I see," I just said.

Of course my line of thoughts was ridiculous. There was no proof of any sort of schemes going on around me, and every time I talked with Mello he seemed genuinely interested. And there would have been no reason to wait until Friday for getting me to lose it, since the blonde would have easily managed to do that earlier if he had wanted to. Maybe the guy just actually liked me.

The thought made me a bit too pleased, to be honest.

"Well, shouldn't you still at least try to enjoy yourself? You know, talk with people, eat, dance?" Mello didn't leave the matter.

"I can't dance, and I doubt that I would enjoy talking to a drunken person. And I am definitely not hungry," I said calmly. The party wasn't actually that bad when I got used to the noise, since I got to be with Mello. But I would have liked his presence even more in somewhere a lot quieter.

The guy shrugged, flashing his happy-go-lucky-smile. "Oh, but you have nothing against drinking? Not alcohol, you made that pretty clear, but something with sugar. Coke, maybe?"

So _that_ was his plan all along. Getting me to drink was hard, almost impossible, so it was doubtlessly easier to just go with spiking.

"You are going to steel my drink," I accused, narrowing my eyes.

But he just raised his eyebrows. "Not punch? Fine, I'll go get us unopened cans of coke, okay? _Unopened. _No lacing, I promise."

I couldn't find any sign in his voice or face that would have revealed lying, so I had to assume that he was either honest or a v_ery _good liar. I chose to believe the former.

"Alright," I sighed.

.

.

The party was definitely torture when Mello was gone. I felt completely uncomfortable watching people getting drunker and drunker. What was the matter with them? Didn't they understand that the whole process killed their brain cells and liver, and possibly relationships when accidentally doing something with someone they weren't supposed to? I lost my interest in such stupidity in minutes.

I had managed to pass time with staring a landscape photo on the next wall over youngsters heads for at least ten minutes, before Mello finally came back. He somehow succeeded to wind his way back to the sofa from the doorway while carrying five cans of coke.

"Here you go," he said merrily as handing one of the drinks to me.

The can was unopened, but I still didn't feel convinced when Mello sat next to me so happily. He didn't seem to mind my glaring, for he just opened his own coke and took a sip. That didn't of course prove anything, since getting drunk wasn't a problem for him.

"What took you so long?" I tilted my head in questioning way, and he gave me a long glance I didn't quite understand.

"I met Ben at the kitchen," he answered, clearly telling the truth. The look in his face was honest as he continued, "Are you seriously still thinking what I think you're thinking?"

I didn't feel the need to answer. He knew what I was thinking, obviously. Who wouldn't have been at least a little suspicious? But as I stared the can, I admitted that it wouldn't hurt me to take a sample. I was probably able to taste the difference between coke and alcohol, even though I had never tried either one.

So I lifted the coke to my lips and took a sip.

The taste was horrible. It was obviously alcohol, there was no way coke would have tasted like that. How had he managed to steel the drink without breaking the cover? I took a quick glance at his face, and felt the tiniest spike of coldness inside me as I saw how he waited in tense for me to give a reaction. But at the moment, I just wanted to see his reaction for my next move.

I took another sip. And his lips spread to the perfect smile again. At that moment, I just decided to go with it. If Mello found entertainment in it, why wouldn't I have given him a show he wanted? Chris had promised to take me home at some point, and there was really nothing Mello would find useful if he asked me about my personal things. Of course the dreams were an issue, but I trusted myself enough to keep them hidden even when drunk.

"Great, isn't it?" he asked.

I frowned a little as nodding, the bitter taste burning my tongue. Coke and whatever was in that drink really wasn't a good combination. "I always thought it would be sweeter."

"Wait, you're saying you've never tasted it before?" he was astonished, looking at me like the weirdo I was.

"It would be easier if you'd just assume I haven't done anything that seems normal to people this age." It really was. I was just as unexperienced as preschooler. Maybe even less.

"Why's so?"

I sipped my drink again, trying not to gag. The taste was horrible, but somehow I was feeling myself getting somewhat more relaxed. _What the heck. _I just emptied the whole bottle inside me, and there was a little flip in my head as doing it. It was stupid, I realized just after. I didn't want a bad hangover, did I?

"Please Mello, don't play stupid. I am not like the others," I replied. The dream of earlier night pushed back to my mind, with images of Mello…how sick was my mind. Mello just shoved another coke into my hand, and I opened it automatically.

"None of us is," he just said. Of course he was right, but most people didn't have problems with their dreams. And those who had, their nightmares were normal. Not about people they hadn't met until going to university.

"That's not what I meant." I felt myself getting a bit sad. "It's just…"

The image of angry, younger Mello shouting to me in my head almost gave me shivers. Why did he hate me so much in my sleep…?

"What is it?" he asked, voice oddly silent in the noisy room.

My thoughts were drifting. I didn't know if it was the alcohol, or was I just so tired that nothing in my mind didn't seem to be in order like usually. I just felt really darn sad about the whole thing. It had been eating me alive for my whole life and making me fear…and now someone wanted to hear me talking about it?

That was the reason why I couldn't. If someone cared enough to listen, then I shouldn't lose that person just quite yet.

"…nothing. It's nothing," I said with no emotion in my voice.

Mello seemed a little disappointed, but left the topic. And that is how I knew I was right when making the decision. Maybe I was going to tell him about it later, but just now…I liked him happy rather than worried of my sanity.

.

.

The more alcohol I got in my body, the stranger it became. At first I felt just a little light-headed and it felt funny to move my extremities. I felt more…free. Talking with Mello was nice, seeing him joyful and laughing, locks of blond hair escaping his ponytail as we continued conversing louder and louder.

My head started feeling fuzzy. Mello made me laugh, and I laughed even more when my sight started to get impaired. It was funny, how my brains couldn't function. Everything was funny, and I drank more of the laced drinks.

But as my vision and movements turned more hazy, my mind got too. I remember drinking cokes, then something else…and the rest of the night was a broken film.

...

"Take your shirt off!"

"Dry-fuck this teddy!"

Everyone was laughing, the music thumping in our heads and making my bones sing. Did bones sing? I wasn't quite sure. Mine at least did. The whole room looked purple and pink and blue, and we were dancing on the table. I didn't know who were 'we'…but Mello was there with me. There was funny feeling inside my stomach…I smirked at the blonde, who was putting on some sunglasses. He looked marvelous.

I moved closer, the beat of the song vibrating in my spine. Everything else was weirdly colored, but Mello was golden…

…

Where was my shirt? I wasn't quite sure, but it wasn't a problem. I was laughing. Why was I laughing? Mello had no shirt either… I leaned closer to him, our breaths smelling like party and fun…or maybe alcohol?

"You are gorgeous…" I breathed, smiling. And he smiled back, before turning to jump on the swimming pool. Was it a swimming pool? It could have been a Jacuzzi too… it had room for two, three, four, five…..

I suppose it wasn't a swimming pool, since it hadn't got any water in it….

…

"Quick, Near! We need to leave!" Matt was dragging me with him, pulling me by hand and suddenly it wasn't that funny anymre. The purple and pink lights had turned into red and blue ones and music was now only roaring.

"Yes, Nearie dearie, we have to get away from the evil pocile…," Mello giggled while running in front of us. He made it funny again.

"I think the word you're searching for is 'police'….let's take that car…" Matt mumbled. We stopped in front of the thingy, and I felt my insides getting up. I was pretty sure I vomited a rainbow…

…

Where was Matt? My back was against a three and my vision was blurry and the feeling of euphoria was turning into ache. But something was pressing me down…

"You said I was gorgeous…" he breathed. Mello…

"Can I get a reward?" I asked, garbled in my thoughts…why was everything so dark, even when there were lights everywhere? Street lamps…they were probably street lamps, for stars didn't shine this close to downtown…

I felt cool lips pressing to my jaw, making me shiver. The lights were wiped out of my mind, as I felt him getting closer. My heart beat went crazy. His mouth moved in my jawline, neck, throat. I had my shirt on again…why had I my shirt on again? I wanted him to take it off…take the rest off and keep doing whatever he did at the moment. He sucked my neck…

Why did I still feel the beat of the music in my bones?

"Mello...? Near? Where did you vanish?"

With Matt's voice breaking the silence, Mello's body parted from mine...

I still felt the softness of his touch on my skin as we found Matt's room and my mind got buried in the darkness again, this time giving me dreamless sleep.

.

.

A/N: I would write here excuses for not updating as fast as usually, but I really don't have any. Let's just pretend that I have good reasons, shall we?

But yeah, haha. How short the story would have been if they both had just remembered what happened that night….and you had to wait for fifteen chapters for anything to happen in Mello's POV :DDDD

I think I'm the meanest person on earth for not making that happen when I had chances

naahh not really

I REGRET NOTHING


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